How to prepare smoked meat in a hotel room

Hotel rooms are not known for having a lot of space for cooking. Most times, Montreal bid parties are held in a suite. Rarely do those suites have a workable kitchen area. So, we make do.

A hotel bathroom is the second best place to do this (the first best being an actual kitchenette). Holding a smoke meat party inside a single room instead of a double-room (two bathrooms) means you're serving food and drink without a functional bathroom. Not ideal.

The kitchen bathroom is selected because it has the following features:

• A bathroom with a solid counter.
• A bathroom door that opens away from the counter (and does not block it).

Sometimes you have options - sometimes you don't. Do your best.

Ideally, people will come into the room with the kitchen, then pass through the suite door to the second room to eat and enjoy.

The second room should have a lot of chairs and/or couches.

Ironing boards make great desks (for registering supporters) or serving foods. Ideally, cover the ironing board with something to keep it clean, if possible.

Requirements

• A roll of green tape.
• At least one induction burner and an induction-capable pot, or 1 crock pot and something to keep the meet out of the water (a steamer basket is best, but balls of tinfoil work as well).
• Tinfoil.
• A good sharp knife (or two).
• A large cutting board.
• Dish washing soap, many many towels, and a sponge.
• A digital thermometer.
• A knife sharpener or block (optional).
• Lots of big black trash bags.
• A tablecloth (optional, to cover the ironing board)
• Paper towels.
• Napkins.
• Disposable sandwich plates.
• Smoked meat brisket pieces.
• Yellow ballpark mustard.
• Golden rye bread loaves (about 1 1/2 loaves for every 80$ piece of brisket).

Procedure

1. Have housekeeping clean the room before starting.
2. Clear the bathroom counter of everything. Take it out of the room, or put it in the cabinets below the counter (if available). 
   
   Note that If the bathroom's been used, and you can't get housekeeping to come in, you'll have to wash down the counter and sink really well (lots of hot water and soap) then dry it with a clean towel.
   
   
3. Take the meat out of the fridge (or cooler) about 30 mins before you begin.
4. Take the roll of green tape, and tape the bathroom's toilet shut. Be through.
5. Tape or hook a garbage bag close to your station. This should be handy to where the sandwiches are being made. The meat-cutter won't need it as much as the sandwich station will.
6. Put a line of tape over both the bathroom door's latch bolt and strike plate.
7. Wash your hands.
8. Wash all your tools and dry them thoroughly. This includes the crockpot (all its pieces) or the induction stove and the induction pot pieces.
9. If necessary, sharpen your knives, then rinse and wipe them clean with paper towel.
10. Put the cutting board on the side of the sink opposite of the plug. Keep the sink clear as you should be washing your hands often. 
    
    I prefer handwashing to gloves. If you use gloves, replace the wash your hands statement with change your gloves.
    Touch your face or hair - wash your hands.
    Touch the meat with your hands - wash your hands.
    Touch bread with the hand you usually use to cut the meat - wash your hands before touching the meat tongs.
    Bread touches anything other than your hand and the plate? Wash whatever the bread touched then wash your hands.
    
    
11. Put your crockpot or induction burner on the side of the skin closest to the plug.
12. Open all the bags of meat, fold over the top of the bag and use a little piece of green tape to close it up again (easier to open one-handed). If you don't do this remember to wash your hands after opening each bag of bread.
13. Wash your hands.
14. Unwrap the smoked meat, place it on the cutting board, and cut it to be about the same thickness, and so that it will fit in the pot. Discard the wrapper into the trash bag.
15. Wash your hands.

Note - knowing the maximum wattage for your hotel room is a good idea. A crockpot shouldn't cause any issues, but induction burners can be configurable -- so picking a wattage below the maximum is always best.

Crock pot instructions

1. Fill the crock pot about 1/2 full (or so that the steamer basket can sit above the water).  Ideally this water should be as hot as possible (water from a kettle is best, but even hot water from the bathroom tap will do). This will speed up the water reaching the boiling point.
2. Put the meat in the steamer basket (or atop balls of tinfoil, or both). The meat must remain above the level of water. Adjust as necessary.
3. Wash your hands.
4. Cover and turn the crockpot on high. When the water reaches a high boil, take the temperature of the meat and -- if the water is invading the meat's space -- turn the heat down to low.
5. The meat is ready when the internal temperature reaches 165 F. Check the temperature of all pieces, especially if some are small. This should take between 3 1/2 to 4 hours.

Note - if the water drops below a gentle rolling boil, turn the crockpot back on high. Do not let this boil dry.

Stay in the room or at least nearby. You need to check the smoked meat regularly (about every 60 minutes for the first 3 hours, then every 20 minutes thereafter).

Induction burner instructions

1. Fill the lower part of the steamer pot about 1/2 full (or so that the steamer basket can sit above the water). 
2. Put the meat in the steamer basket. The meat must remain above the level of water. Adjust as necessary.
3. Wash your hands.
4. Cover and turn the induction burner on medium-high. When the water reaches a high boil, take the temperature of the meat and -- if the water is invading the meat's space -- turn the heat down to medium.
5. The meat is ready when the internal temperature reaches 165 F. Check the temperature of all pieces, especially if some are small. This should take between 1 hour to 90 minutes.

Note - if the water drops below a gentle rolling boil, turn the induction burner back up to medium dry. Do not let this boil dry.

Stay in the room or at least nearby. You need to check the smoked meat regularly (about every 20 minutes).

Serving instructions

1. Wash your hands.
2. Remove pieces as they reach the internal temperature of 165 F. Place them on a piece of tinfoil and wrap tightly. This will keep the meat for 45mins to 1 hour. 
   
   If you are doing multiple pieces, remember to change the water. The meat juice doesn't boil at the same temperature as water, and its steam (while tasty and good for your skin) won't penetrate the meat as well as water steam.
   
   
3. One piece at a time, take it out of the tinfoil, and reseal the others.
4. Cut it into as thin slices as you can. 
5. Try to make sandwiches with small amounts of the meat (just enough to cover 1 slice of bread). A serving size is about 1/4 lb per person, but we skimp as much as possible to make the meat stretch. Use tongs to put the meat on the bread, and keep one hand for touching only the bread. Ideally you'll have two people doing it and the meat slicer will directly hand meat to those with a gluten intolerance.
6. If the knife starts to slide (oil buildup on the board), use paper towel to sop it up and throw the paper towel away.
7. Offer yellow mustard, as that's traditional. 

Some folks will just want the meat, others won't want yellow mustard. Do what you can to make them happy.

In a good smoked meat party, you should run out of bread before you run out of meat. Equally, running out is a sign of a successful party -- so make sure to always buy a little less than you think you'll need.

Cleaning up

1. Start by picking up all the loose bits of garbage that might have accumulated.
2. Wash the cutting board, and set it aside (inside the clean tub is a good temporary place). 
3. Wash the counter where the cutting board was. Dry it well and put a clean town on top of it.
4. Wash all your tools and put them on the clean towel.
5. Unwrap the toilet and discard the tape.
6. Empty the water from the crockpot or induction pot into the toilet and flush.
7. Wash the crockpot liner or the induction pot pieces and lids. Set them aside to dry.
8. If possible, use paper towel to wipe up anything spilled on the floor. 
9. Gather up the garbage.
10. Dry and put away your equipment.

Do NOT let anyone use that washroom for anything other than hand-washing until all the equipment is put away.